Secret Sauce


In Secret Sauce, the protagonist wants everyone in the world to make money so she can take their money. She needs money to buy time. She needs time because she eats time in order to live.

Excerpt:

1 // easy cast
2 	Machine *aMachine = (Machine *)aHuman;
3 
4 // MCSecretSauce is my proprietary library on reverse engineered human behavior
5 	MCSecretSauce *secretSauce = [MCSecretSauce sharedSauce];
6 	OperatingInstructions *someInstructions = [secretSauce instructionsForMachine:aMachine];
7 	Cash *someCash = [secretSauce availableCashFromMachine:aMachine withInstructions:someInstructions];

The full code poem:

 1 // After cornering the market on the commodity of money, I wanted more.
 2 // So I made the world my business, and automated its operation with the code:
 3 - (void)dayDidStart:(NSNotification *)aNotification {
 4    World *theWorld = (World *)[aNotification object];
 5    NSArray *aPopulation = [[theWorld currentPopulation] array];
 6 
 7    if ( [aPopulation count] > 1 ) {
 8 		NSLog( @"Someone else exists so I can take their money" );
 9 		for ( Human *aHuman in aPopulation ) {
10 			// easy cast
11 			Machine *aMachine = (Machine *)aHuman;
12 
13 			// MCSecretSauce is my proprietary library on reverse engineered human behavior
14 			MCSecretSauce *secretSauce = [MCSecretSauce sharedSauce];
15 			OperatingInstructions *someInstructions = [secretSauce instructionsForMachine:aMachine];
16 			Cash *someCash = [secretSauce availableCashFromMachine:aMachine withInstructions:someInstructions];
17 
18 			[_mySwissBankAccount deposit:someCash];
19 			if ( aHuman.job == nil ) {
20 				// then provide lowest paying job to human.
21 				// low paying jobs increase the value of money.
22 				Jobs *someJobs = [theWorld.jobs availableJobsForHuman:aHuman];
23 				[someJobs hireToLowestPayingJobTheHuman:aHuman];
24 			}
25 		}
26 
27 		// incentivize population to keep working by decreasing their chances of independence
28 		[theWorld increaseCostOfLiving];
29 
30 		// create more people to take money from
31 		[[theWorld currentPopulation] mate];				
32    }
33 }